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A Mini-Guide to Progressive Polyamory

Jul 18, 2023

What is open-relating?

Why would a couple choose to open their relationship?

How would they even go about doing that?

I wrote this Mini-Guide to Progressive Polyamory for my poly-curious folks who have been considering it...

And for my folks who have gotten started, to possibly introduce new perspectives. 

Defining Polyamory

Polyamory simply means many loves (poly = many, amor = love).

However, exactly what this word denotes is different for everyone who identifies with it.

That is to say, all polyamorous people do not conduct their lifestyles exactly the same. That’s for the couple and individual to decide. (That’s the fun part! ) 

Considering Polyamory? Consider this:

Progressive polyamory is not about having a bunch of "sekts" partners.

When you’re new, the important thing is not getting caught up in having many "sekts" partners. If you’re considering polyamory, your “transition” should really begin with an authentic discussion about what it is you desire in your relationship, what you feel your life really needs at this point, and how you feel developing other relationships can support you in that.

In other words, digging deep into the root of your decision. 

This dig-in is about what you really want in life and community. It’s a conversation about your needs, desires, and authentic wishes for extended relationships.

 If you’re in a relationship then this conversation should be had between both partners (Note: If you’re unable to express your authentic desire for this relationship style to your partner, you’re not ready for Polyam, check out my course on Getting Your Partner into Poly)

The Biggest Mistake Newbies Make

The biggest mistake I see new couples make? Trying to step out immediately after deciding to open the relationship, and engage in "adult time" with others.

If you’re already in a relationship you have to set a new foundation for your relationship before you even think about stepping out!

You have to have an agreement written on paper for your original relationship.

Remember, the previous foundation of your relationship (foundation meaning the principals, agreed upon exchange, protocols/rules) are out the window. 

Now it’s time to build a new one.

When a new Polyam couple begins stepping out without laying a new foundation, they should not be surprised when the relationship collapses.

🔑 The Biggest Key to Success 

Many say that they already have communication that works; and while having a good vocabulary, and expressing yourself and your emotions are a great start, they do not necessarily mean your communication works. This is why I stress a framework

An effective communication framework supports you in developing your commutation skills over time and gives you a standard to measure your communication.

Think about it, it’s a lot easier to dissolve an argument when all you have to do is remind yourself and your partner that you have stepped out of the bounds of your agreed-upon communication framework.

Then - instead of trying to figure out who’s right and wrong - you can default to the framework that structures your communication and was designed to ensure both parties are soothed, and the challenge is solved. 

You Do Not have Communication that Works in your Relationship IF: 

  You still have old-fashioned arguments

  You still have back-and-forth, circular conversations

  You believe someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong

  You are still name-calling

  You’re always "othering" in conversation

  You are guilting and shaming others

I hope this Mini-Guide to Progressive Polyamory was supportive to my poly-curious folks who have been considering it, and my veterans alike. 

Talk soon! xx

Kenya K Stevens, CEO of Progressive Love Academy

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